*******
Its cold walking home along the streets at night now. Come nightfall, it hits below 20degrees here. 8pm, I wouldn't want imagine how I much colder it'll be if I left your place any later. But I don't have any reason for that now, I leave straight after dinner, no later than 8.30...dinner doesn't take that long anyway, even after I 'm done washing up.
Here's one PLU...thats very broken right now. C'mon..shine the spot lights and usher me into a direction where I'm welcome. To the group where the hearts of girls' were given up for other girl's, unconditionally, and most often love is returned...unrequited. C'mon..embrace me, I know there's alot of us...its true, which PLU hasn't had her heart broken by a girl before? I got it twice. From the same girl. No wait, I think it was everyday that you broke my heart because you never realized just how much I loved you.
I'd reckon, that its either I've been screwing up all along, or its that I am coming to survive what would be the lowest period of my life.
I believe that when it comes to relationships, gay people have it the hardest. Take it from me who's been 'undercover' for this long, to finally find a babe whom I think is godsent, intelligent, has enough guts to speak her mind with me, who's gentle, but most of all..she made me complete, and she gave me peace..in this lifetime of pain. She filled the gaps within my soul that I felt were empty, and she gave me warmth whenever I held her close to me.
Its disgusting, and it makes me sick.
I can't even sit on your couch anymore. Cos thats where I walked in on the both of you with your hands locked together. That image is haunting me. And thats exactly how fragile my conscience is now.
Does he know that you've been puking in the bathroom? You haven't been well the whole day. C'mon girl, I've held you when you were throwing up during camp last year and I've nursed you before when you were sick. I know when something's wrong with you. I could gather already by the speed of which you rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door that you were throwing up inside. But he probably didn't notice anything, he had his headphones on all the while.
*I knock on your door*
hey....you've been puking.
...............
Take care, see you tomorrow.
Hopefully the one you chose over me knows how to care for you. But I don't think he'll ever feel as much pain as I do, from the one who has to pretend not to care anymore.
I seem to be able to understand your actions, comprehend your fears and be sensitive to your feelings...But somehow, I can't seem to understand why you gave him a chance...and not me. Its like you can be everything someone wants, and everything someone needs..and you can say all the right things at exactly the right time..but yet I mean nothing to you, and I don't know why.
I loved myself enough to take one and a half years of mixed feelings of euphoria and utter pain whenever you were by my side...even if I was nothing more but a friend to you.
I loved myself enough waste so much emotion on you, because you made me happy.
Go, ask him if he's willing to take a bullet through the head for you...don't worry I'll be your shield if he chicken's out, he probably will anyway. I won't move an inch.
pengkuo
3 comments:
pain is pain... regardless of whichever genetic make-up..
True. We all bleed.
And I feel as if my insides have been blown apart.
Its painful.
pengkuo"
dat's gonna leave a scar!..
sumtimes..i feel it's better to live w/o..
sigh..
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