congratulations.

You're probably the first and only person to be able to make me feel this way.

I've never been so annoyed, angry and frustrated at the same time.

Really, congrats.

p.s. if you don't know who I'm talking about, don't assume.

Top 3 Rejections

The top 3 rejections that hurt the most for a butch:

3. "I just want to be friends"
Not too bad, she still wants to be friends... may not be as close as we were but time heals all wounds right?

2. "You deserve someone better."
Fucking hate this... If it's you we fell for, there's no one better.

1. "Sorry. If only you were a guy."
Need I say more?

A PLU Story (Part 2)

This is more of a “follow up” post to the guest post I had. While many PLUs have been in that situation, I know that there are girls out there who have been hurt by TBs before as well.

All I have to say regarding this is that the current new generation of TBs all can go fuck themselves. Most of them give TBs a bad name. Not to mention that the trend amongst the younger kids these days is that its cool to be a TB and for the girl’s side, it’s cool to have a TB by your side. The cuter the TB, the better. It’s like we’re an accessory to match your clothing. I have given up hope in regards to this issue… It’s a phase that will pass (I hope…).

Back to my main point; from the previous post, I guess it is like the perfect example of how stupid and yet loyal a TB can be. Why do we choose to be this way?

I dare say that unless you’ve had the love of a TB, you have not experienced true love.

Why?

Not cause we’re willing to take a bullet for you.

Not cause if you’re sick we’ll care for you.

Not cause we will do the dishes after dinner.

Not cause we buy you flowers and anything you want that we can get…

Those are what’s expected of us as we have to compete for your attention.

What you don’t know is that we do all that not to get into your pants (I can’t say the same for some TBs, but I digress…) but it’s because we do not ever want to let go of such a gift.

Yes, we see you as a gift. We know that we’re damn fucking lucky to actually find a girl we love who would actually return the feelings.

DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKING HARD IS THAT?!?!?!

MOST STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A DIAMOND IS REALLY WORTH WHEN THEY SEE ONE!!!

We’re so used to getting rejected, ignored, neglected, used and mistreated that one day when all of a sudden we meet a girl who does not do that to us…

That’s when we fall even more just when we think we’ve reached the bottom. When we thought we could not love you anymore, we realize that the feelings could actually go deeper and we’d kick our own asses if we ever let go.

Hell, we’d even take a gun to our own heads if we made that mistake…

While I know that there are TBs out there who play around, they are but a minority. These are the TBs who are (unfortunately, for the good TBs) good looking, rich and knows how to sweet talk. They jump from 1 girl to another without even blinking an eye… I believe they need to be shot… with a shotgun… at close range… (FYI, I know how to fire one and I’m a mean aim with a 9mm).

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that we have feelings too… and believe it or not, even after all the getting-used-to to all the crap we get, our feelings are extremely sensitive and fragile.

So, break our hearts if you must… but just remember, we’d still love you with all the small pieces…

Left behind

It's been 11 days since you moved the last bit of things from your room... Your room which was once full of pictures and dolls and memories of you and me are now just empty...

It hurts me so much to see your empty room... It feels like someone took away a piece of my heart and I have nothing to fill in the space.


But there were a few things which you left behind. Some of your clothes, forgotten in my drawer. Some trinkets, lying beside my bed.

You even left this lil monkey keychain on your shelf, in your room.

We were in this house for more than a year. We have so many memories in every corner of this house. I feel a little heavy hearted to leave this place... after all, this was the place where we first lived together, just you and me.

Everywhere I look, I can see your face. But now you're so far away...

You've left so many memories in this house...

But of all the things you left behind, the most important thing was this:

Me.

I miss you so much my Gift...

I know this is hard... but I know I must stay strong and go on...

I will overcome this obstacle in life and in the end, I will be by your side again =)

Kid teung mak mak...

Current Status

Am currently drowning in workload and totally stressed out.

If I don't survive this, here's a photo to remember me by:

Yes, I had a haircut.

It's just an attempt to "lighten" the burden over my head...





No. It didn't work.




Yes. I know I look like seafood. Bah...

p.s. I love Gift. I really do.

Am I a mistake?

Currently on my 2nd shot of vodka... pouring myself a 3rd...

Shall I finish the bottle?

Hmm...

Am I a mistake?

I really do love her... but...

Why do I keep hurting her?

Why am I hurting the one I love so much?

Can someone tell me?

I am so sorry...

I.am.just.not.perfect.

...not even close.

beyond repair

Things have been rough lately as some of you might know...

I'm fine. Things got A LOT better =)

Shall announce what it is soon...

But for now, here's something I did when I was so terribly broken...

I liked the way it came out very much =)

Comments?

Forever & Always

I miss you.




I really do.

Forever and always... I will love you.



I promise.

Abandoned

You say I take & take...

I only know how to take...

Until I forgot to give...

Maybe it's true?

I am the bad guy.

I don't know how to love you.



I do whatever you tell me to do. Yes, I make mistakes often.

But I have always been loyal.

And yet you say I'm not.


If I didn't give anything, why do I feel so empty?

I do not wish to show my efforts because it is what's expected of me.

I guess that was all not enough for you.



Maybe one day we'll look back and laugh at this...


But for now... you have forced me back into my corner. Do not expect anything from me anymore.

I shall cease to exist in your life, one step at a time.

You have your path, I have mine.

You have your support...

I have to learn to stand again... and try to remember what it was once like without you...

It's not gonna be easy... But I will always get back on my feet.

But as I get stronger, a part of me will die inside. I am currently at 60% emotional death... give me a few months or a few assignments... it will reach 100%.

Never say never

I know people always go thinking "That will never happen to me wan..."

Well, never say never my friend.

I realized today that anything CAN happen to ANYONE at ANYTIME.

A good friend of mine was involved in an accident today. The severity of the accident is not minimal.

She totaled her car and was admitted to the hospital.

She is crying for what she lost.

I am just glad she is okay.

It is rather ironic how I was explaining this morning (before I knew about the accident) to two of my team members for ISC's MCW Activities, that if something can go wrong, it WILL.

They just didn't understand why I was coming up with all sorts of terrible and shocking scenarios that can go wrong during events.

For example (I'm blue, she's yellow):

"What if you have a soccer game and someone kicks the ball and hits the volunteer and breaks his/her head?"

"Won't la, the ball is tied to the post."

"WHAT IF? What would you do then?"

"Die la, die la, die la................"

"..."

My point is, it's better to be prepared than to have something come and bite you back on your arse...

You may not be able to prevent accidents from happening (someone can choke on tofu) even though u take all the precautions.

But one thing you could do is know how to react when it does happen...


But of course, the few obvious things like "Don't drink and drive" and "Wear protective gear" and "Wear your seatbelt" will do wonders in preventing accidents... an accident is really just the result of a series of mistakes...

Prevent mistakes, and you'll break the chain from an accident happening.



Though sometimes, things just happen.

So, never say never... do not think that things won't happen to you or any of your family and friends... cause it just could.


And also never take for granted what you have now... it's a cliche but you'll never know what you have till its gone.

And I know of many who understands that more than anyone can imagine...

World's most expensive bubble tea

Okay, I just had a very nervous (but extremely delicious) dinner.

Why?

Because I was with G and her grandma and cousins and aunties...

Anyways, after that I decided to go to Northbridge for ice cream and bubble tea. I have been craving for bubble tea for some time...

So, went there, parked, bought ice cream, walked to Tea Fusion and bought bubble tea.

Feast your eyes on the most expensive bubble tea in the world:

Why is it so expensive?

How much did I pay for it?

Well, it is the most expensive bubble tea in the world because of this:

DIUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

So, yea... 100 bucks cause kena saman...
**hides in a corner, emo time**

Found it stuck on my car windscreen... and yea, I was only away from the car for like 10 mins max...

So I guess it's like 10 bucks for 1 min... T___________________T



Oh, you wanna know the best part?

The bubble tea is free.

Cause they have this card where after you buy 9 drinks, the 10th is free.

So yea, I redeemed my "free" bubble tea...

...and got kicked in the ass. (if I had balls, I assume this is what it feels like to have your balls drop -_______-||| )

Larger than Life

Yesterday I went to buy some apples with G. She went to buy 2 phone cards and the nice uncle there gave us 2 free scratchies.

FYI, scratchies are those little lottery kinda things where you scratch (duh) off the silver stuff and reveal things under it. Different scratchies have different ways of playing and different prizes.

Anyways, I won 2 bucks.

Then I got a little "itchy hand" and bought another scratchie for 3 bucks.

And yes, I won 8 bucks this time.

This little stroke of luck got me thinking about how lucky I've been my whole life...

Let me think of a few things...

The first that comes to mind is the Tsunami incident. I was there at Gurney Drive 5 minutes before the waves came crashing in. I was there long enough to look at the tiger waves coming in, and me and my group of friends were like crazy people looking at the waves and going "Whoa...". We were busy taking pictures and videos... we wouldn't have left, but we got wet from one of the waves so we left laughing.

Little did we know we escaped serious injury (maybe even death) that day...

Secondly would be my studies... somehow everything would turn out fine. I guess I just got really lucky that I do not have to study as hard as most people to get the grades I get...

What else?

There are just so many many things that I would have taken for granted...

I always have this feeling that I can take any risk I want (physically) because I believe I just can't die that easily... It's just not my time to die yet...

Although there are times when I couldn't see myself living past 30...

So I would do stupid things... dares... and I always seem to get away with it.

But there are times (especially during my teenage years) where I got depressed and seriously did alot of shitty things. But look at me now... I guess I turned out relatively ok XD

I think that is considered lucky as well? Hehehe...

Hmm... this post has been rather boring without any pictures... but I guess sometimes words are all I have.

Now, seeing how lucky I have been, I guess the one thing I find to be rather "unlucky" of me is my name that my parents gave me.

I really hate my name. That is why I hide behind the alias Ryu.

People just don't get why I get so worked up about my name...

But try imagining when you're six and you've just started school... it is already terrifying enough. But when you try to make friends, people hear your name and start laughing and teasing you (kids can be such jerks). How would you feel?

And this constant teasing and jeering lasted all the way into HIGHSCHOOL. That's 11 freaking years!!!

Even until now, some would laugh and tease me when they know my full name.

But I guess I should just reveal it and live with it.

My name is Tee Shue Vern.

If you can't figure out what they teased me, you're really WOLS...

But at least now I can tell those people "Sure, go ahead and tease me. But I have much better things in life than to care about that anymore. I can't say the same about you though."

So, there you have it... I know Mich and Kang have been asking me about my name and knew when I got worked up about it. So now you know...

But I would appreciate it if you guys would just call me Ryu.

Wow... that was a rather emo post wasn't it? Hahaha...

Okay, back to normal blogging about the crazy things I do soon...

Ciaoz.

Emo Intermission

Can something that never officially started, end?

How can a heart be broken by a lost of something that never was?

Could it be that there really was something?

Something that I was too blind to see?

Something that I took forgranted?

If life has a "Reset" or "Restart" button, I'd press it. Without a thought. I will.

If there was a "Terminate" or "Self-destruct" button, I'd press it twice as fast.

Maybe I'm just not meant to love or be loved.



It's time for this little puppy to give up and go sit in a corner.

This little puppy doesn't deserve love.



The puppy knows that.


But... why is the little puppy still fishing for love?

Everyone needs a hug sometimes...

But all I've got is a hot water bottle...

Abuse

I abuse everything.

Caffeine.

Nicotine.

Alcohol.

Chocolate.

My sanity.

I literally abuse everything that I can get my hands (or mind) on.


What have I done?