Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I've been doing some thinking... and I think she's right. I'm not ready for a relationship.
It's not like I'm not ready for commitment or that I can't see a future for a relationship... it's just that I'm seeing the wrong things.
I narrowed it down to 1 simple reason why she would say that I am not ready for a relationship. I guess that I am not mature enough.
I have to admit that she is mature and very independent. I really don't know if I was in her shoes, if I would survive. Though I think I was by her side all the time whenever she needed me, I guess she has managed to survive because of herself.
She is strong.
Stronger than me even.
After comparing all that I lack... I finally came to the conclusion that I am not ready. I need to see things in a different way. I am doing my best. I am TRYING... and giving it my ALL...
She said that I'm getting desperate. That's why I want to get into a relationship... But I do not see myself as desperate. If I was, I won't be waiting for her... I can always go for some other girl who is easier to get. But here I am.
So the point is this: I only want her.
For her to interpret my actions towards her as desperate is so wrong. Cause I think I'm trying to show her that I have fallen for her...


Friday, February 10, 2006

Sometimes Mr. Right’s a SHE

It seems that every woman is looking for the perfect man. The one and only Mr. Right. Does this Mr. Right really exist? I myself really do believe that he really does. But sometimes, he’s a she.

Please don’t give me the crap about God made Adam and Eve instead of Adam and Steve. I will choose not to go into details about what I think of Christianity. It takes up too much time and brain cells to actually make people understand how my brain works.

Back to Mr. Right… The perfect man would be loving, caring, sensitive, good looking, intelligent, diligent, independent, ambitious… and the list goes on. But as we all know, there’s no such thing as perfect. So why can’t a tom be Mr. Right? (I’ve decided to use the term ‘tom’ as butches didn’t seem to cover the right amount of people while ‘tom’ is more subtle and easier to identify with)

I dare say that 99% of toms in the world share similar characteristics with the idealized “Perfect Man” or Mr. Right. We are loving, caring, sensitive, protective and loyal. Loyalty is probably the trademark of all toms. Why do I say that? Well, the perfect example would be to look at a tom like a little puppy. An adorable, playful and loyal puppy that no one wants. A tom is like a puppy cause no matter how badly you treat the puppy, it will still stay by your side. It will be sitting there with pleading eyes that says “Love me, please?”. But no one ever stays to love them… maybe once in a while they’ll stay, but not for long.

Speaking from personal experience, I have yet to meet a tom who hasn’t has her heart broken. Our hearts are broken so often and very often by the same girl. And yet we still choose to love that one girl. We would give anything and everything to be with her. But it never seems to be enough.

And always so often we see the girl that we love get hurt again and again by guys who she thinks are Mr. Right. But all we can do is stay by her side, wishing and wishing that she would one day realize that the right one is right there in front of her. But it is almost impossible thanks to the mindset of the society that frowns upon people like us. We say we’re born like this, it’s innate. They say we will burn in hell for choosing this way of life.

Do you think we CHOSE to be like this? We weren’t given the luxury of choice.

To all the girls who have had a tom by her side, please open your eyes and most importantly your heart. It doesn’t hurt when you say you don’t want us, it doesn’t hurt when you say we are wasting our time. At least not as much as when you say that you love us, but can’t be with us because of our sex. Personally, I’d rather hear the girl I love tell me that she doesn’t love me for I’m not good enough rather than hearing her say how much she loves me and want to be with me but can’t because I’m a girl.

This is just something for all the PLUs who have heard the lame excuse “I’m sorry but I can’t be with you because you’re a girl”. I think that sentence is bullshit because it’s not the sex that matters… it’s the feeling.

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