I actually did think a lot before I decided to write this. Because I have to consider the feelings of 2 people. 1 who is very important, the other, I really don't give a rat's arse but it will affect the one who is important.
If you really care about her, really love her like how you've said in the past, present and in the potential future, you should know how she thinks and how she feels.
You've just become insensitive and really just emotionally rash in whatever you've done. You think by sending her that sms today would make yourself feel better? I know you're now wallowing in guilt and wishing you could just crawl into a ball and die.
But then again, you could've wanted to do that just so that you MIGHT get SOME kind of attention from her.
Guess what boy, grow a pair of balls and man up. I'm more than a man than you will ever be. (Now, THAT is a personal attack direct to you.)
Everything really does happen for a reason. If there really is a God, then I finally understand why I went through the things I did.
Sometimes, God sends people who are clearly wrong for you, bad for you even. But there is always a reason behind it all. I can truly see it now.
He sent someone who was just an introduction to love for me, then there was the one who was so important that I couldn't breathe without her. And just because I couldn't breathe, He took her away to teach me that I can indeed stand on my own 2 feet. And she taught me that even if 2 people were in love, it doesn't mean that they must be together.
Then there was the one where I had to hide in the shadows with, I'm surprised I lasted that long. But I learned that I could make a difference in other people's lives and even help them to be a better person. Along came the not-right-for-you-but-you-are-just-desperate-enough-to-accept. I don't think I need to explain that now, do I?
The one who really seemed like THE ONE came along. I learned that when I am blind, I'm not only blind, but crazy even. The one who made me throw everything aside but somehow I knew it would just end. I just refused to accept it.
Then it all went downhill. I lost hope. I couldn't care anymore thus resulting in 2 disastrous ones. One worse off by a mile than the other. And I am just too tired to give anything a try anymore.
Now I realized why I met all those people. And why I had to go through everything.
God purposely sent me all the wrong and seemed-to-be-right-but-were-wrong people because he wanted me to recognize the right one when I see her.