Wednesday, December 24, 2008

5 things I hate about young lesbians

Been wanting to blog about this for a while but was just rather lazy. Hahaha... but now since I have the time, here it is.

By the way, this post applies to both TBs (or butches) and femme. Not just targeting TBs this time =P

5. Young bimbo girls who get together with a TB just because it's the trend. Like it's "cool" to be a lesbian and the cuter the TB, the "better accessory" you have.

4. Calling their TB girlfriends as BF. It just fucking pisses me off. Don't ask me why. I find it weird and that they're in a state of denial of their sexuality. Only forgiven if the TB is transitioning... then the girl is just being supportive which I find really sweet and accepting.

3. Flower hearted TBs who want to get a "playboy" status. Seriously, they give butches a bad bad name. Where has the pride gone? I don't know which is worse, player TBs or TBs whose love live journal goes like this:
Day 1: I met A, I love her.
Day 2: A don't like me. I sad.
Day 3: I together with A already. I will love her forever.
Day 4: I break up with A. I very sad. I will wait for her.
Day 5: I met B, B is very nice to me.
Day 6: B become my lao po. She is my only love.
Day 7: B break up with me. I sad.

You get the message... super annoying.

2. TBs who leave their current very loyal girlfriend to be with some other girl who just happened to pass. These TBs take advantage of their girl's loyalty and go off chasing some random hot chick. In other words, they can't resist temptation. To make things worse, if they can't get this new girl, they go back to their old girl who would still gladly accept them back because of love.

1. Desperate TBs. Need I say more? In other words, they will go chasing after any skirt. Doesn't matter if they're 30, 21 or even 12. Got cibai can adi. Fat, thin or normal, it's all okay, got cibai all pimples become dimples. You get what I'm trying to say.

Are you laughing? Or nodding your head in agreement? Or are you feeling insulted?

Did I hit a few nerves?

Here's what I think if you're offended:

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I have the cutest cat in the world

Yes, I have the cutest cat in the world. Don't believe me? See for yourself (:

My lil baby boy is such a poser isn't he? One of the best pictures we have of him (:

This happened when I was bored at work. Sam sent me the picture and said he would look cute if he had a bow tie. So I photoshop-ed one in =D

And she was right. He's shooooooooooooooooooo uberly cute (omg, I think the silly season's getting to me, I sound so bimbo).

A few people got tricked *cough*Jonathan*cough*Chee Sheng*cough* by this picture when I put it as my MSN picture. They asked me "Where did you get the bow tie for Chivas?"

MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA XD

So flattered la.... my photoshop skills so good? Hehehe...

Then I got a little evil and did the following picture:

Ngek ngek ngek... Chivas is a pretty boy!

And since there's only 2 days left to Christmas,

Tada~~~

Merry Christmas and a
Happy New Year everyone!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Part 2 of Teacher Hew

Here's part 2...


Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Something more.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been kinda lazy and caught up with other things such as lesbian drama and whatnots...

But the main thing is that Joanne lent me her Canon EOS and I've been experimenting with it =)

Here's the product of my experimentation:


Nice? Hehehe... I know it's simple.

I'll improve and get nicer things or models to shoot at =)

Friday, December 05, 2008

baka neko.

Yeap, just gave Chivas a shower -____-

Stupid stupid cat... gawd knows how many other wounds I have on my back... Grrr....

Excuse me while I chuck the lil fella in the dryer *evil grin*

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

step by step.

I know I've made mistakes and I'm trying to make up for it.

Step by step I will slowly settle things and maybe, just maybe I won't waste another year of my life. It's about time I did something with my life.

But for the time being, let me escape once in a while.

This picture does little justice to how I feel when I just lie back and forget the world.

By the way, I'm not emo. Seriously, I'm just getting a lot of shit out of my head. Putting my priorities right.

Oh, I'm so tempted to get inked again XD

It really IS addictive ;)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Learn your ABC

This is some funny shit XD

Good brainless entertainment =)

Monday, December 01, 2008

pain.

Been having a numbing headache since this morning. Wondering if I should take a day off tomorrow... but I need the money. So so sad to be tied down by the stupid dollar sign.

So so so so so many things to consider.

Things to settle... while this pain gnaws at the back of my head.

Resisting the urge to knock back another beer... maybe I should take a shot of vodka instead...

On a lighter note, Haruki Murakami is a genius. If I could just write 1 page... just 1 page like him... I think I'd be happy if I never wrote another page in my life.

He writes everyday mundane life emotions in a way that is so random but still manages to make sense out of it all in a poetic manner. Such simple words but so much excitement.

If only...

Monday, November 24, 2008

of words and headaches.

I guess I'm writing lesser and lesser in my blog. Which is kinda ironic since my blog's title is Are You Reading This -____-

But hey, there is only so much I can say and truthfully, not much words can express how I am feeling these days.

Too many things to think, too many things to do... yet so so so so so little time.

Overwhelmed when in silence, under performing when in need.

Too many distractions and too many temptations...

Just when I thought things would finally settle down and I learn to let go bit by bit... I get hit by a train... yet again.

Somehow, someway, maybe... just maybe I would find peace in all of this.

Time for bed. I'm becoming a panda @@




I'll close my eyes wishing you would not haunt me again tonight.
Gawd, you have no idea.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Mr. Nice Guy

I'm Mr. Nice Guy.

Always have been, always will be.



我不要想了



Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Communication Breakdown

Email from printer at 4.30pm:

"Will my email be read by XXX while they're away?

If not, we will dispatch your ordered quantity and discuss the extras next week."

. . .

*looks at the stack of boxes full of postcards ordered from printer in the corner which were delivered at 2.00pm*



DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Nuffnang in Aus

Nuffnang's in Aus!!!

I'm jumpy and excited because I want to work for them =)

Melbourne, here I come!!! XD


Yep, say bye bye to the stupid dusty office I'm at and hellooooooooooooooooooo Nuffie Corner ^^


So please hire me????????

Monday, November 17, 2008

falling. again?

I stare at my screen.

I've got things to do. I know.

I do get things done.

But somehow, I feel weird.

Detached in a way that I can't explain.

Sigh... life goes on.


Good luck on your exam tomorrow.
That's all I can think of.

Damn, I've fallen.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Friday Morning

Tis a Friday morning,
Everyone's a little crazy,
Boss is a yelling,
Making us all uneasy.

I'm a sitting here rhyming,
When I really should be designing,
Why isn't there something interesting?
It's a god-damned Friday morning!


Yesh, I'm bored...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

of spoilt brats and panadol.

Some people just make me feel like slapping them. Seriously, grow up.

I thought she'd be better after being with her. But nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Garh, waste of time even bothering to think she can change.

Why do I even give a damn???

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

my one true love.

Yes, the wait is finally over.

My love!
THEY ARE BACK!

Can't wait for my package to arrive! あしたの空 by SPEED, CD + DVD (Japan ver) & HERO by hiro (Japan ver).

*bounces in joy*

Monday, November 10, 2008

areureadingthis.com

Yes, I have purchased the domain areureadingthis.com.

Still trying to get it to work, don't change your links just yet ;)

Grr... I will master all this website maintenance/design crap. I WILL!!!

But CSS is killing me... to those who said it was more simple than HTML, shut up, I swear I'll stuff my copy of Sam's Teach Yourself CSS in 24 Hours 2nd Edition up your arse, chapter by chapter!

ROAR!

peanuts.

I loved what my colleague said:

"If you pay peanuts, you're gonna get a monkey job."

So true, no?

of a kid and letting go.

Taken at Bukit Jalil by Jonathan Ng. Mike's car, not mine XD

I'll close my eyes and imagine a different time when there was never a me or you. I still can't believe it... I really can't.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Bukit Jalil Photoshoot

My blog has been rather dull and emo with all the words that I bet most of you don't read, so I shall put in some pictures okay?

These photos were taken back in Malaysia at Bukit Jalil. 3 photographers, 4 cameras and 3 models. Was an interesting experience.

The following pictures were taken by Jonathan Ng. Thank you & sorry for making you wait so long on that day =P

This is Jennifer, my future wifey XD

See, it's like our wedding pictures! Hahaha...


I like this picture the most =)

Eh, please don't think wrongly. I'm not attached to her, I'm single just not available XD

But we do have a pact. If we're both single when we're 30 then she'll marry me. Hahaha... 7 more years and counting ;)

Though she says she's gonna purposely get married the day before her birthday... Speechless.

There, a more colourful post.

More pictures will be uploaded after I get the pictures from the other 2 photographers.




Chloe, I'll upload your picture also wan la... sabar okay?

push.

I've realized that although some people may seem to be pillars of stone, they are actually crumbling down inside. For what reasons? It could be so many things...

People often mistake how some masks are real faces when the real thing is just really too much to bear. Some people hide, some people avoid...

But in the end, what does it matter how people think? One can never deceive their own mind, their own feelings...

After all said and done, one would still be at square one.

The subconscious mind is such a powerful thing, it can make us believe things that we tell ourselves.

But the thing about subconsciousness is, its always there.

So technically, the deception itself is nothing but a lie.

I want to just close my eyes and just be. Not anything, not anyone.

Please tell these voices in my head to shut up.

They've been keeping me up way too long.

Can I finally fall?

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Belated Post

Okay, I wanna thank everyone for the wishes, thank you for remembering even though I told you people not to *insert Veron's tulan face emoticon here*

But yea, thanks guys :)

What can I say? I was a ninja (again) this year.

But there was one thing different this year, it was the best birthday I've ever had in 5 years. Maybe the curse has been broken? Hahaha...

But yea, only 3 people saw me that day and I enjoyed their company very much. Special thanks to 2 of them and EXTRA special thanks to 1. You people know who you are =D

And last but not least, a super duper big huge ass thanks to Samantha Ho and Mr. Yip Ming Too for this:

I was really so goddamned speechless when I saw this. You guys really didn't have to. Seriously, no more okay? Cannot finish can? Every year add 1 some more... Die...

But anyways, thanks la... Cannot stop saying thanks...

So I shall stop here okay?



p.s. ね,あなた知ってる?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Tag Game

Got tagged by Mich Quah... When she's not eating, she's tagging -____-

1. What’s your ambition?
Hmm... To own my own events company and a cafe/pub for PLU. Am I dreaming too much? XD

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
Very tough choice. I try to make a balance.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
Too often? =P

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Can one ever have ENOUGH confidence?

5. How many babies you want?
2. A boy and a girl. Yea, I can be rather conservative at times...

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
I do.

7. What is your goal for this year?
Find a better job and improve my guitar skills. Currently still at square one though =.=

8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Yes. But that doesn't mean you'll be with the person forever.

9. Do you enjoy traveling? *yes i know this quest is nothing got to do with Love*
Travelling for holidays is good. Travelling when you HAVE to... sucks the life out of me.

10.What feeling do you love most?
To crawl into bed with my girl after a fucked up day knowing the day was worth it because of her.

11. What is your bad habit?
Erm... I'm very messy and lazy? XD

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the ppl who hates you?
"Oh wow, I'm significant enough for you to hate?"

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Every single one. Except for those who take me forgranted.

14. If you were given one wish, what would you wish for?
That I was never born.

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
Japanese food.

16. Who do you think is hotter, Chace Crawford or Kevin Peaker?
Who????

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
She likes to MAKAN alot alot ALOT!!!!!

18.What have you done to yourself make yourself happy?
Choosing to be with people who make me happy :)

9. What will u become in another 10 years to come?
Hopefully I'll be successful in my career and have a wonderful family whom I'll spoil rotten? XD

20. What is ur lucky number?
Lucky number? No idea... Favourite number is 7 though :)

Instructions

Remove one question from above and add in your personal question.

Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people.
List them out at the end of the post.

Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

Don't think I wanna tag anyone. But if anyone's free then you can do it :)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Word of the Day

The word of the day is:

TUNANA
- it is a mixture of tuna & banana

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Word courtesy of Veronica Wong.

ROFL!

Would you like a tunana milkshake? XD

Friday, October 24, 2008

Jonathan Ng

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (4:45 PM):
when chloe get better i tell her always wear high heels when go out with u
taller than u
BLEK!

Jnls.Net says (4:45 PM):
hahahaa....
dont la..
later she wear 3" heels, pokai ady i hav to teman her go hospital..
mafan only...

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (4:46 PM):
. . .
u so bad
i tell her u curse her

Jnls.Net says (4:46 PM):
think will juz hail a cab for her...
bwahahaha..

Jnls.Net says (4:47 PM):
u mar blog lorr...
eh, true wut.....
nanti she pokai ady, insist on goin bac to klang.... i mah die!

Jnls.Net says (4:48 PM):
touch wood, her spine knock back to 70 degrees..........
then end up same height as before... wakakakakaka...
MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

You're so dead now Jonathan!

Wait la... Chloe come out of hospital that time she'll run you over with her Myvi and it'll be YOUR spine at 70 degrees XD

Friday Frenzy

Classic symptom of staring at the computer way too long seeing car parts:

Samantha says (3:47 PM):
K
SHE'S FUCKING FROM CHINA OK

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (3:47 PM):
wah liao, fuck all the way from china?
her cibai sure longgar

Samantha says (3:48 PM):
HAHAHA
U'RE SO DAMN LAME

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (3:49 PM):
the correct term of usage is she's from fucking china


Yes.

I am AWESOME!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

take a deep breath

It seems like people are looking at me, counting on me to support them, to be their pillar of strength...







I do not have the heart to tell them that I am falling apart myself.




I was so busy trying not to drown...
that I did not notice the rock tied to my legs.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

of meanings and the world.

A friend once told me that "Although something may mean the world to you, it could be nothing for them".

I really do believe that.

There are a few things that happened to me which I wouldn't trade for the world. Even if it was a mistake, I would do it all over again if given the chance.

This post is for Chloe & Nic.

For the following:


Look at Nic's face! That's why you're the photographer and not the model!
Kakakakaka...


Thank you.

Really.

You may think it was nothing. You may think you were just planning a small surprise for me. That it was normal.

To me, it meant so much more.

It put a smile on my face while I was flying back to Perth (trust me, the flights were horrible...) and yet I felt contented.

It made me happy =)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

such clever friends

Veronica Wong Ai Ming!

You're so fucking clever can?!?!?!?!??!

Super salute to you already -_______-

You soooooooooooooooooooooo owe me coffee.

Kthxbai.

congratulations.

You're probably the first and only person to be able to make me feel this way.

I've never been so annoyed, angry and frustrated at the same time.

Really, congrats.




p.s. if you don't know who I'm talking about, don't assume.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

心配させる

私はあなたのことを心配する必要はありません。。。

でも。。。

私は本当に心配。

ね、おねがい。

私の心が痛い。

君今どこにいるの?

君の声が、まだ私の頭の中では。

会いたい。。。 本当に。

心配。

まだ、 心配。

Thursday, October 16, 2008

of maybes, uncertainty and certain impending doom

Just when I thought I could've finally settle down and take my time to sort everything out, the flood gates open again.

Will I be strong enough to fight through this?

I am just managing to keep my head afloat.

But would it be just a matter of time before I drown?



p.s. did I mention I can't swim? :S


私はあなたに値しないよ。

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

What shape is this?

Okay, my housemate, Sam, baked some cupcakes/muffins yesterday.

Then she messaged me on MSN saying that there were SQUARE cupcakes/muffins.

o.O?

So I went down to have a look.

This is what I saw:

I really don't think it's a SQUARE!

So, I want to ask you all, is this a SQUARE? Or a CIRCLE? Or just a BLOB? XD

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The thing about FORD

Just heard the most hilarious thing at work.

I've never liked Ford cars. I think they're huge and drink fuel as if it was an unlimited cheap source of energy.

Then today, I heard one of the warehouse staff say this:

"Ford? It stands for Fix Or Repair Daily."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

closure.

I've just been told by her.

I am happy for you.

I guess that was what I was waiting for.

Before I can finally let go and start moving on, not to mention start sorting out my life and my feelings properly.

No more loose strings.

This is the closure I've been waiting for.

I wish you all the best.

For the last time, khorb khun na tee rak. For the past, for the present and for everything that there is to come.

memper-siasui-kan

The response to aLi's post:

rukawa [danielctw.com] わたし は ダニエル です!! says (2:03 PM):
thx to both of u, i learnt a new word

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (2:04 PM):
. . .
SO MENG-PAISEH-FYING!

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (2:05 PM):
*faint
mati la i
saham jatuh

rukawa [danielctw.com] わたし は ダニエル です!! says (2:05 PM):
lol...
apa saham jatuh

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (2:06 PM):
saham i

rukawa [danielctw.com] わたし は ダニエル です!! says (2:08 PM):
lu ada saham ke.. i tot lu saham dah jatuh

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (2:08 PM):
yea, juz went bankrupt when ali pressed publish

rukawa [danielctw.com] わたし は ダニエル です!! says (2:09 PM):
i think ali does that to most of the ppl

- R.K - 你每天的笑容是我最想要的 says (2:10 PM):
yea, dat's y now economy crisis
XD

Haihz... in order to naikkan my saham again, I shall upload the following picture:


Lol, saham I dah naik balik tak? XD



p.s. photo edited using www.picnik.com =)

of designs and revamps.

Tell me how did I end up here?

Bachelor of Science (Psychology)
+
Masters of Marketing
=
A flyer + postcards designer for an auto parts company & menu designer for Japanese fusion restaurants

Does that equation even make any sense?!?!?!?!?!??!

OMFG... I need a new job. A new job that pays better, more learning opportunities and one that provides me with the feeling that I am actually making a difference.



Garh, Monday mornings suck.

Don't you all agree?

Thursday, October 09, 2008

It's a funny thing

While it does not mean anything to most people, it meant the world to me.

As it started playing, I could only smile and think of you.

2 minutes.

It was nothing less than perfect for me.

If I could print out the pictures in my mind, you would see how much you mean to me.



To whoever is up there, thank you.

I couldn't have asked for more.



Twin, you should know what I mean ;)

The things people tell me

"Let go."

"Seriously, move on."

Here's the answer: I don't want to.

There's just something about a girl who makes you fall so bad, so fast and even though you don't get to see her as much as you want, you are still where you are.

There's just something about a girl who makes you want to work your ass off just so that you can pamper her or provide her a better future and give her a sense of security.

There's just something about a girl who can make your night worthwhile just by getting a 10 second glimpse of her... even if it's just her back.

There's just something.

Trust me.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

of early morning spam and IT people in Melbourne

Muthafarkerkaninachaocibaipukimak!

Just came into office and checked my email. I found that I have 1 email blocked by the filter from this web company that I was liaising with.

Here's the thing, I've always been pissed off with this particular woman because she works at a web company providing web services but don't check email. Replies super fucking slow.

Her "I'll update you tomorrow" means "I'm gonna make you wait for 3 weeks".

Yesterday I emailed her again because my boss wants to know what the fuck are they doing because there's no updates at all. But I got an automated message saying she's no longer working with the company.

OMFG!

So I thought I would just have to wait for someone else in the company to contact me because that's what the email told me.

That is until I got the spam report this morning saying 1 email was blocked from someone in the web company.

So it says that the email has been delayed and sender will be validated automatically. The email will be delivered shortly after. But it shows the email was sent at 1.19pm yesterday. Today it's still not here.

So I contacted the IT person in Melbourne and asked if I could get the email retrieved.

His reply was "Did you read this?" and a copy & paste of the spam report regarding the fact that the email would be eventually sent over.

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?! YOU THINK I CANNOT READ ARH?!?!?!?!

LOOK AT THE BLARDY TIME LA!!!


Lucky boss not here today... if here I sure kena D-I-U. Geram-nye...

When I saw his reply I so wanted to reply this:

"Kthxbai"
*insert middle finger here*

Monday, October 06, 2008

of the things I tell myself and try to do.

Okay, I'm back in Perth.

Back to reality.

Fuck this. 17 days of trying to forget.

And you still manage to hit me like a train.

I've got more important things to worry about. Things I need to focus on.




But how do you control your mind when your heart is so obviously somewhere else?

Excuse me while I go dunk my head in some cold water.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Meeting Jilly: Sunway Edition

I finally managed to meet Jillian aka JillySilly after knowing her for gawd-knows-how-long. Our timing has always been terrible, whenever I'm in KL, she's in JB; when she's in KL, I'm back in Perth.

So when I finally got a chance, I didn't fucking care and made my friend, Chloe, drive me down (with my car) to Sunway Pyramid to meet her. I also met Yuna and Jesny whom I've only so far heard and seen pictures of. So, it was a good day.

I'll let the pictures do the talking:

And I thought I was nervous meeting Jill... apparently the photographer more shaky than me.
-_________________-

See, I look so starstruck la!

Anyways, it was great meeting you, Jill!

We met again last night at Euphoria, MOS. Pictures for that, soon to come.

All I can say is that Jill is fucking hot and she's probably the only girl I'd turn femme for. ROFL!

Today was a rather tiring day, here's a preview of what I did:








Sometimes, I just want to let go.
But it hurts too much.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Anne and the egg tarts

I met up with Anne at Sungai Wang on the 23rd of September. Then we walked over to Pavillion to get these:

Yes! My John King egg tarts! And she owes me a LIFETIME SUPPLY!!!

Why? This you better ask her for the details. But basically, she lost a bet XD

Here she is with the egg tarts. While she's smiling I'm quite sure she's wishing that I die eating them...

I know, I look like a small kid on Christmas morning.
I just love egg tarts la ok?!?!?!

She bought 3, 1 for her and 2 for me ^^

These are the best egg tarts in the world. The pastry is so soft and the filling is sooooooo tasty. It melts in your mouth and you can feel yourself melting with it XD

Hehehe... At least the next time you'll see me would be about 2 years. You have a lot time to save up more money to buy me more egg tarts ok, Anne?

And thanks for going shopping with me :)



Next post: Meeting Jillian =]



You just took my breath away.
And I'm all the way here, you're all the way there...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Of journeys and blurry state of mind.

Just came back from Penang. No pictures with me because I'm still waiting for the peeps to send them to me.

But I had a great time :)

Not so great when I had fishballs, beer, noodles, ice blended mocha and gawd knows what else going up my nose thanks to all the funny arse people who love to make me choke with the most random/funny/entertaining things ever.

But a great BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU to aL who seriously drove me all around Penang island. Love you long time! Will send back more Tim Tams for you la... but remember to share this time. Later the other peeps come kill me XD

And it was great meeting Cedric, Vingie, Emily, Colleen, JJ, Chee Hsien, Minny and a few other people whom I can't remember names now. You people make me laugh like tomorrow.

I'm sorry I have to go back to Perth but I promise to come back in 2 years' time. Earlier if one of you gets married first. Yes Vingie, even if you do get married on the 4th of October 2008, I will guarantee I sure go! Muahahahahahahahaha!

And of course, not forgetting Cathrine who promised to stay with me for the whole trip. I know the shouters kinda scared you with their crazy antics but you were nice enough to still come and meet them :)

Oh yea, twins are hot. XD

Thursday, September 18, 2008

home.

You know the saying "home is where the heart is"?

I'm supposed to be "home" now... but... it doesn't feel like it.

I see familiar things, people I know. And yet...



Maybe it's cause of the stupid fever I woke up with this morning before the flight...


But I think its cause I didn't get what I wanted.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

confusion

Hmm... my boss just told me that I did a job that I couldn't recall at all... weird eh?

I am very sure I didn't do it la can?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I would remember a promotion if I did one because I've only done 1... bah... I wonder who's the real confused one now... -______-



18 hrs 12mins.

Would you even know?



The next 17 days is going to be torture. THIS I'm sure you'd know why.

I think...

Hmm... I bet it'll be almost 3 weeks or more until I can get a peace of mind.

But I've got till tomorrow to get a glimpse of what I want.

Please let me have it?

Even for a second, I'd give up a year. I really would.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

toca's miracle

2.46

2.47

私を見たいと思ってする。。。

でも。。。

あなたここにいない。

心の思考今に,一つのことだけ。

あなた。

毎日も,あなた。

120, 1 rainy night, toca's miracle on repeat... 今でも考えを停止することはできません。

I'll just keep telling myself “もういいよ。”

あなたに会うときにはいいですか?

ことを忘れないでね。OKですか?

Friday, September 12, 2008

blur case

Insomnia sucks...

Too many things running through my head.

*stares blankly at screen*

Thursday, September 11, 2008

i think i'm in trouble.

Insomnia + caffeine addiction + late nights = headache + motion sickness + eye bags

Which means, there's a drunk panda sitting here blogging instead. *hiccup*

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

a little thing worthwhile.

I know I'm not supposed to post any more of the emo chronicles but just let me have this okay?

Sometimes I wonder if its all worth it. Life goes on but I feel left behind at times. People change, things change but I find myself in the same place over and over...

I'm feeling tired.

Just need a release from this mundane life I feel and maybe I find that in you.

Maybe one day I'll feel different. But for now, just let me live in my own little world where I can just escape... even for a little while.

It's worth it.

drama.

Once again, I think I got myself into extra trouble.

Hmm...

Someone needs to whack me over the head with a huge ass paper fan.



Anyway, I think most people want me to write about the TB post so now I'll ask the question of "Should I blog about the Good or Bad things worth mentioning?".

I think I know what the answer's gonna be but entertain me while I go do research and try to focus.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

On hold.

After on hold for 20 mins:

"Our staff are still engaged at the moment"

NO SHIT!

Stupid MAS... first you cancel my flight, then you change my flight THEN you forgot to reissue & send me my e-ticket!!!

WHY THE FUCK AM I PAYING SO MUCH TO FLY WITH YOU PEOPLE!

*long string of curses*

Undecided

Okay, I know I've been doing alot of emo blogging (or as I call them, the emo chronicles) and I think some people may be sick of it.

So, I open up the option for people to choose what topic I should blog about (just like how I ended up with the Seafood TBs in Malaysia post).

The topics for today are:

The few TBs worth a mention from Malaysia

or

My Road Trip to the Lakeside Resort


Choose people :)

Late nights and working mornings...

...so do not go together.

I am tired. At least my body is. But my mind is still thinking too much.

I can't sleep. I force myself to.

I dread waking up. And yet I force myself to.

Sipping coffee and staring at car parts....

*sigh*

8 more days.



私を忘れないで。

おねがい。。。

Monday, September 08, 2008

Being stoned

While multi-tasking with chatting on msn, TV, blogs and some random online games, I've managed to learn how to play "Let Go" by m-flo LOVE Yoshika.

Go Youtube it. The acoustic version is just... bliss.

A sad song, I know. But just so nice to play on the guitar.

Nope, I so do not regret splurging my first paycheck on my baby guitar. Not my first choice for an acoustic, but the Yamaha F310P is helping to satisfy my itchy fingers for the time being.

Next stop, an Epiphone Black Beauty to practice on to make my fingers worthy of the ever gorgeous Gibson Les Paul.



So many more things I want to do, I want to have in this life. Little steps, little baby steps. And one day, this ikan bilis will grow into a big ass shark. One day.

Eh woman, jangan lupa you ada date ngan I esok.
I mau makan waffle! Kita emo sama-sama je la...

Of blurry nights & speeding lights

I love driving.

Driving in Perth is very calming, there's not much traffic and several roads are just amazing to drive on.

Roads like Mill Point with the view of the foreshore and city lights. Just beautiful.

Then there's Mounts Bay Road and Riverside Drive. There is no better time to view the sights than when you're going down those roads during the sunset. Never fails to make me smile.

Then again, I've only managed to discover the joy of driving down that road just recently.

.
.
.

Well, at least when I'm back in KL I can drive above the speed limits and just give a bribe if I get caught. Man, I miss the crazy times when my friends and I reverse down highways, standing out of the car from the sunroof and trying to take pictures of the twin towers...



Yes Colleen, I'm in deep shyt. LOL.

Of shots, hangovers and Monday mornings

Need I even say more?

My head still hurts and I don't think it's the alcohol.



What I wouldn't give for a cup of Tiramisu Latte from Gloria Jeans now...

Wait, there IS 1 thing I wouldn't give... but its never mine to begin with.



Oh fuck...

Sunday, September 07, 2008

I know

I knew it was coming.

I even braced myself for it.

But then again, thinking and imagining is just never the same as when it happens.






My head hurts.

If this is how its gonna be

If I'm going to feel this way every single time, I think I'd rather not see you.

Wait, I take that back. I want to see you...

But the things you do, makes me think way too much. Of the gazillion scenarios or reasons to why you'd do something.

Its wearing me out mentally and physically. When I think too much, I find things to get my mind off you.

And guess what, it doesn't work.

Never worked before. Certainly didn't work last night.

Omg, last night... I think I remember the night, but some parts seem hazy.

And yet, it's amazing how your face is so clear.


But it's still only the side of your face.




And I think I see your back too.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Words

There's so many things that I want to say, and yet, I can't seem to find the words. Drama belongs on TV. Period.

But somehow I find myself not only witnessing it but also involved in it.

Things are rough, but thanks to great friends (you know who you are, I don't want to boost your ego too much XD) I am getting through it. At least I THINK I'm getting through it.

I'll be back in KL in less than 2 weeks and I seriously don't want to leave. Not only because I'm going to have to face some really uncomfortable situations, not to mention struggling to get back on my feet financially when I come back... but I am just so afraid you'd forget about me.

I know things are hard for you too... I understand.

I am not expecting anything in return. Except maybe an answer. Well, let me rephrase that, a definite answer. Then maybe I'll just tell myself that it is just not going to happen and I'll move on, one day.

The thing about moving on, this time. I don't want to. I don't know what is it about you. But somehow I've managed to be in this position and all I can think about is "How the hell did I end up here?" in such a short time, a very very short time. It's a new record really.

I try to remember your face, but I can't get a front view in my head except for images of you in photos. When I think about it, I've only got the side view of your face imprinted in my head.

And that tells me something very important.

I'm always on the side.

Never the main character.

Just a sign by the side of the road. Sometimes I'm a detour that people take.

But they eventually leave me behind.

But I'd rather remember the side, cause it means I am close enough.

The day I start seeing your back, it will kill me. Cause it means you're walking away.



I am really not expecting anything. I've learned to expect the worst so that I won't get disappointed.

But I do realize that I've been waiting for an answer without asking the question.

The truth is, I'm afraid.

I want to ask, but I'm afraid of the answer.

So afraid that it keeps me up at night. So afraid that we can't even be friends.



I am terrified.

Monday, September 01, 2008

ごめんね。。。

本当に ごめん な。。。 俺 は 不遺跡 です。

今何も 忘れない,わからない。。。 

何で?

自身 今に いない。

愛ですか? 好きですか?

人間の人生 は。。。 何?

おしえてくれよ!

痛い。 本当に。 

もう いい よ。 

Friday, August 29, 2008

Top 3 Rejections

The top 3 rejections that hurt the most for a butch:

3. "I just want to be friends"
Not too bad, she still wants to be friends... may not be as close as we were but time heals all wounds right?

2. "You deserve someone better."
Fucking hate this... If it's you we fell for, there's no one better.

1. "Sorry. If only you were a guy."
Need I say more?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I LOVE JILL

Gotta blog about this immediately...

Mirai E (COVER) - Jillysilly

Listen to it and if you dare tell me you don't like it I will hunt you down and kill you!



Yes Jill, I am your biggest fan.

A typical day at work

Well, every morning I walk into the office, go straight to my desk and set up my laptop, turn on the computer and all.

The office is usually very noisy because of the phone calls and people shouting at warehouse staff XD but it's extra noisy in the morning because every Tom, Dick and Harry wants their parts to be picked and delivered within the hour which is rather ridiculous...

And once in a while (well, almost everyday) there will be some very funny thing that happens. Today, it was this:

Salesman: I can do simple math! 1 plus 1 equals-

Boss: FUCK YOU!

Damn random can?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

Yeap, it's a typical day at work.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The funny aLi

aL says (9:49 AM):
u memang hilarious lah
kenot tahan

- R.K - says (9:49 AM):
like dat also hillarious?
then when u meet me u laugh until wanna jump off pg bridge la

aL says (9:51 AM):
can oso
im sure u kenot do that

- R.K - says (9:51 AM):
hahahahahahahahhaha
v shall seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

aL says (9:51 AM):
cos before u can do that
u already jump 1st cos ced is there


Yes, I am speechless... again.

Can't wait to meet you guys la!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tick Tock...

3 more hours before I get to knock off... Time passes really slow these days...

The level of sien-ness is currently at 200%. I need a new job...

Need to earn more... learn more...

Also I'd like to see you more.

Hmm... yea, I guess I'm totally smitten and I know it.

And wanna know something else?






I don't fucking care.

Yep. I am happy (:

Monday, August 25, 2008

A taste of my own medicine

Never thought that I could feel this way again. Could be the caffeine or sugar but it could also be something more.

People who noticed, don't say a word. I know.

People who didn't, don't ask. I don't want to know.

I am asking myself, what the hell am I doing here? This is certainly where I don't want to be. That I used to tell myself that I'd rather die than to live like this.

But life screws you up sometimes (well, most of the time) and you end up where you don't wanna be the most without you even realizing it.

I need to be more ambitious. I shall reach the stars and prove them wrong.





Short messages:
Veron, stop laughing. Your ass will fall off if you do.
@pril, damn you! I will bury you with my own hands when you come again!
You, did you know that "掛念一個人最差的方式,就是你坐在他身旁,而知道你不能擁有他。"

Monday, August 18, 2008

Of aches and a tired mind

I really feel like amputating my arm and also part of my shoulder just to take away the pain... Trying to cut down on Panadeine. Being too doped up is not a good thing -____-

Here's a random picture to entertain you guys:

Feel free to interpret the picture anyway you like XD


A picture speaks a thousand words, so I shall post the following picture with 3 simple words...





Sometimes, some things just do not happen the way you want it to...

Friday, August 15, 2008

That Muscle Shaker

Cashmere hit says (12:50 PM):
oh umm
that china chick who can shake her muscles?
HAHA WHATS HER NAME YA ALLAH MUSCLE SHAKER
HAHAHAHA

okay i damn syok sendiri la

Yes... I'm so speechless...

Almost died trying not to laugh in the office -______-"

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Random Thought of the Day

Why is it okay to tease someone about being skinny?

But when you call someone FAT, it's insensitive and hurtful...




Why??? Don't tell me it's different because skinny people have feelings too right? Being skinny comes with other problems as well, just because we can eat and not get fat doesn't mean it is something to be enviable about. Fat people have the choice of not eating too...

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Quote of the Day

The quote that made me laugh my head off and really made my day:

"What kind of people are you? Hate feline but love pussy..."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


Obviously that sentence wasn't meant for me... was just told about it from someone whom I shall not name cause she will so obviously kill me XD

But I'm sure SOME of you guys can guess it ^^

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Emotions at work...

How I feel sometimes at work... LOL

This is what happens when there's only 1 toilet for the whole office.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Randomness

When your pants are too loose...

And you sit...

This happens XD

Monday, July 28, 2008

Growing Up? Or Growing Old?

I've learned a lot in the past few weeks... Things that are new. Things that are unexpected. And things that I never thought I could ever know.

Somehow, I have learned them and I find that my reactions are so different than what I thought I would've done a few years back...

I've also seen many things that make me think. I know my brain works in weird ways but some of the thoughts that come out of it are some things that I never thought that my brain could actually produce...

I've got way much more ranting to release but I guess I should save that for another day...

Thursday, July 03, 2008

My Band

I'm really sorry for not updating but I've been busy with work and even when I have the time, I just seem to be too tired. Not to mention the frequent mood swings and roller coaster rides that I've been taking...

So, to make it up, here's a funny post... at least I think it's funny XD

Yes, we're bored so we posed in the middle of the road... yes, in the MIDDLE.

The introduction of the band XD

So who's your fav? ;)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Oh the irony...

How ironic is it that imagining sadistic thoughts is the only thing keeping me sane?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

For Old Time's Sake

I remember when Jill sent me this song. I really fell in love with it because it reminded me of G...

And so yea, this is for the memories... just a random recording at a random point of time...

Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade:

Fall For You (Cover) - Ryu

Sorry my updates have been short and scarce these days... Well, I just can't seem to think of stuff to update nowadays. Though there are quite a few updates in my life ;)

Thanks for still coming by though =D

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Lame But Funny Collegues

Here's another spontaneous funny moment that happened at work:

J: I think Kevin Rudd looks dorky.

E: Excuse me, have you by any chance seen our last Prime Minister? Kevin looks like Fonzie compared to him!


ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 26, 2008

First Cover

Someone told me she liked this song... so... yea...

Sorry for ruining it XD

video

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My Lame Collegue

This is just so fucking funny that I have to blog about this right away from work...

N: *puts down the phone* M's on the fucking phone again!

E: Yea, she has got it on vibrate.

*blink blink*

Did you get it? XD

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Look alikes

Okay, I've met a few people who looks like me. For example, my aniki, Jun, who is my good friend in college, is practically a photocopy of me. We look so alike that lecturers and other students mistake us for each other.

Then when I came to Perth, there was Sharon, who I must say DO NOT LOOK LIKE ME AT ALL!!!! But people still mix us up for some weird reason...

After that I bumped into Reii or Rachel while clubbing and cause we were wearing the same shirt (of all days... OF ALL THE FREAKING 365 DAYS IN A YEAR!!!) we ended up looking like twins... -______________-|||

I'm fine with all that...

Now, people think I look like Chivas....


Yes.


*sweat*


You know who you are!!!! *points at a certain gang from a certain university not too far from a certain place called Fremantle*

Anyways, I'm gonna ask for everyone's opinion now:

NO RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

A little reason

你问我为何我喜欢你...
我在想,我需要一个理由来爱一个人么?
我没任何原因,为何我爱你。
但我害怕,害怕告诉你,我每天都如此努力。希望时间可以过得更快。
因为我知道我将会在周末看见你
只因为你让我有力量继续,继续的奋斗下去。
这个里有足够了么?


Just felt that Chinese helps to deliver the message in a clearer way...




p.s. Thanks to Cathrine for doing the translation :)

Friday, May 16, 2008

When you're working too much...

I know I've been working too much when I can identify not only the makes and models of the cars I see on the streets but also the year it was made...

Yes... I have definitely been working waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much as I'm finding myself going "Daewoo Leganza 1997 to DATE" and "Holden Barina 3 doors 2005 to DATE".

Sighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...




On the brighter side, AirAsia's making flights from Perth to KL from 99AUD 1 way =)

Sunday, May 04, 2008

At Lost For Words

I don't know what to say anymore.

Could 18 months just disappear just like that to you?

...

What else can I say?

Sook sun wan gerd...







The one solid proof that it happened is forever with me...

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Thing About Donuts



That's supposed to be me pouncing on a donut.
Yes... *sweat*

Picture courtesy of Leon.

My housemate, Sam, works at Donut King so, sometimes she'll bring back free donuts for us =D

It's an attempt to fatten me, but hey, I still weigh 44kg XD

It's not like I don't eat them. I do.

In fact, I eat them in such scary proportions that Sam has to warn Leon that I may gobble up everything before he could come and have some. Thus, the picture of me pouncing on a donut came up...

So, Leon has to negotiate with me so that I would leave him a Jam Ball (the dinosaurs are my fav but Jam Balls are just so fun to bite into ^^) because the last time he came, I took the last Jam Ball and bit it in front of him. MUAHAHAHAHAHA... I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo evil.

For those wondering how many did I eat in a night, it was a whole box, which according to Sam, had 6 in it. Not the small cinnamon ones, but the big dinosaurs and other donuts.

Yes, give me a box of dinosaur donuts and I'll meng-extinct-kan them in 1 night ^^

Hell, we were watching Australia's Got Talent last night and Sam and Chee Sheng said I should join it saying that my talent is chomping down on tonnes of donuts with regards to my size............. -________________-|||

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Workplace Hazards

Working at GMask has taken its toll on me both mentally and physically thus the creation of this post for your entertainment XD

My recent achievements are the following:

From a plain black Samsung phone, I painfully stuck crystals one by one to make the following:

Am I good or what? XD
This stupid back took me 4-5 hours to finish ok??!?!?!!

Pretty? The girl didn't say how she wanted the front so I just improvised a lil XD

But spending almost 5-6 hours STARING at that phone doesn't come with any side effects...




Here's the consequences:


Yes, yes... I know... lame... laugh all you want...
But after I did that phone, I couldn't differentiate the shades of purple -__________-|||


And then, there was this:

A brand new SONY headphones covered by me...
I do think it turned out rather okay :)

An upclose look XD




And of course, there were consequences for this as well...

My new glasses...
Don't pray pray... XD

Okay, enough of lame-ness... I do have an intelligent side of me which is current suppressed by lack of sleep, too much work and emo-ness. So forgive me okay?




To those asking for Part 3, you might just get it...
I said MIGHT... not SURELY...



Short talk:
If missing you is wrong, falling for you should be forbidden.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

To those who don't believe...

For those who don't believe I'm a mean shot with a 9mm, here's proof:


The bullet holes may seem small (9mm only ma...) but I hit all the vital places XD

So... beware!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!





Short talk:
Drama belongs on TV. Period.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Amusing Miss P Threats

I'm currently at work... waiting for the caffeine in my latte to kick in...

So, while I'm in this stoned stage, I remembered the threats that a certain Miss P said.

While we were playing pool, Yan told her to how to take a shot and it missed. Looking very angry, she pointed at Yan and said

"I TAKE OFF YOUR SPORTS BRA THEN YOU KNOW!"

All of us were stunned for a while before laughing our heads off.

Yan went "OoOOOoooo... I'm sooooooo scared".

That was amusing threat number 1.

Amusing threat number 2 is:

"I'LL TICKLE YOU UNTIL YOU PEE THEN YOU KNOW!"

. . .


*blink blink*

Yes... amusing...

Then I got to thinking about threat number 3. This has not happened but it just popped into my head.

She has this "fish sock" which is a fish made out of socks and beans... (which by the way is UBERLY cute can?)

So POTENTIAL amusing threat number 3 would be:

"I SOCK YOU WITH MY FISH SOCK THEN YOU KNOW!"




XD



p.s. Miss P don't angry la ok? I'll buy you ice cream ok? XD

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A PLU Story (Part 2)

This is more of a “follow up” post to the guest post I had. While many PLUs have been in that situation, I know that there are girls out there who have been hurt by TBs before as well.

All I have to say regarding this is that the current new generation of TBs all can go fuck themselves. Most of them give TBs a bad name. Not to mention that the trend amongst the younger kids these days is that its cool to be a TB and for the girl’s side, it’s cool to have a TB by your side. The cuter the TB, the better. It’s like we’re an accessory to match your clothing. I have given up hope in regards to this issue… It’s a phase that will pass (I hope…).

Back to my main point; from the previous post, I guess it is like the perfect example of how stupid and yet loyal a TB can be. Why do we choose to be this way?

I dare say that unless you’ve had the love of a TB, you have not experienced true love.

Why?

Not cause we’re willing to take a bullet for you.

Not cause if you’re sick we’ll care for you.

Not cause we will do the dishes after dinner.

Not cause we buy you flowers and anything you want that we can get…

Those are what’s expected of us as we have to compete for your attention.

What you don’t know is that we do all that not to get into your pants (I can’t say the same for some TBs, but I digress…) but it’s because we do not ever want to let go of such a gift.

Yes, we see you as a gift. We know that we’re damn fucking lucky to actually find a girl we love who would actually return the feelings.

DO YOU KNOW HOW FREAKING HARD IS THAT?!?!?!

MOST STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A DIAMOND IS REALLY WORTH WHEN THEY SEE ONE!!!

We’re so used to getting rejected, ignored, neglected, used and mistreated that one day when all of a sudden we meet a girl who does not do that to us…

That’s when we fall even more just when we think we’ve reached the bottom. When we thought we could not love you anymore, we realize that the feelings could actually go deeper and we’d kick our own asses if we ever let go.

Hell, we’d even take a gun to our own heads if we made that mistake…

While I know that there are TBs out there who play around, they are but a minority. These are the TBs who are (unfortunately, for the good TBs) good looking, rich and knows how to sweet talk. They jump from 1 girl to another without even blinking an eye… I believe they need to be shot… with a shotgun… at close range… (FYI, I know how to fire one and I’m a mean aim with a 9mm).

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that we have feelings too… and believe it or not, even after all the getting-used-to to all the crap we get, our feelings are extremely sensitive and fragile.

So, break our hearts if you must… but just remember, we’d still love you with all the small pieces…

Monday, April 21, 2008

A PLU Story

This is a "guest" entry by a fellow PLU who needs an outlet to vent her feelings. I am more than willing to provide her with this because I have been in this situation before and I'm sure many other PLUs have too...

*******

Its cold walking home along the streets at night now. Come nightfall, it hits below 20degrees here. 8pm, I wouldn't want imagine how I much colder it'll be if I left your place any later. But I don't have any reason for that now, I leave straight after dinner, no later than 8.30...dinner doesn't take that long anyway, even after I 'm done washing up.

Here's one PLU...thats very broken right now. C'mon..shine the spot lights and usher me into a direction where I'm welcome. To the group where the hearts of girls' were given up for other girl's, unconditionally, and most often love is returned...unrequited. C'mon..embrace me, I know there's alot of us...its true, which PLU hasn't had her heart broken by a girl before? I got it twice. From the same girl. No wait, I think it was everyday that you broke my heart because you never realized just how much I loved you.

I'd reckon, that its either I've been screwing up all along, or its that I am coming to survive what would be the lowest period of my life.

I believe that when it comes to relationships, gay people have it the hardest. Take it from me who's been 'undercover' for this long, to finally find a babe whom I think is godsent, intelligent, has enough guts to speak her mind with me, who's gentle, but most of all..she made me complete, and she gave me peace..in this lifetime of pain. She filled the gaps within my soul that I felt were empty, and she gave me warmth whenever I held her close to me.

But now I can't even touch her or even look her in the eye. Because every time I do, I know that he's done the same for her...and perhaps even further.

Its disgusting, and it makes me sick.

I can't even sit on your couch anymore. Cos thats where I walked in on the both of you with your hands locked together. That image is haunting me. And thats exactly how fragile my conscience is now.

Does he know that you've been puking in the bathroom? You haven't been well the whole day. C'mon girl, I've held you when you were throwing up during camp last year and I've nursed you before when you were sick. I know when something's wrong with you. I could gather already by the speed of which you rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door that you were throwing up inside. But he probably didn't notice anything, he had his headphones on all the while.

*I knock on your door*

hey....you've been puking.

...............

Take care, see you tomorrow.

Hopefully the one you chose over me knows how to care for you. But I don't think he'll ever feel as much pain as I do, from the one who has to pretend not to care anymore.

I hope he knows that you need your space, if not you'll start suffocating. He should know that your biggest fear, is getting bored in a relationship. Sien. You and I both know that we need time alone. Does he know...that more often than not, you try so hard to be strong but yet inside, like me..you are yearning for support and encouragement. 'Everything's gonna be okay babe, I promise'

I seem to be able to understand your actions, comprehend your fears and be sensitive to your feelings...But somehow, I can't seem to understand why you gave him a chance...and not me. Its like you can be everything someone wants, and everything someone needs..and you can say all the right things at exactly the right time..but yet I mean nothing to you, and I don't know why.

If he hurts you..and makes you cry, I promise..that however hurt you feel, it comes back to me threefold. And I'll condemn him for life, because he's just another man like all the rest who can't appreciate whats f*cking in front of him.

What makes a girl fall in love with another girl when she could easily just fall in love with a man. Not that I think of him..whom you have feelings for, as much of a man anyway, I'm sorry to say that. But I simply can't see what you find in him. Or worse, what hurts the most... is that, what has he done for you that I haven't already tried? Why did you give him a chance and not me...one and a half years ago. And that is exactly what I can't get over. Don't tell me that different people want different things..there's nothing I haven't done before to make you fall in love with me, there's nothing I haven't done to show you in just about every f*cking possible way that I love you. And now I am just so tired because all it took was just a man...a man..it could have just been just about any guy couldn't it? Just as long as it was a guy...to make you...fall.

But I guess it was an obvious choice for you. Its so much easier to conform, why go through all the trouble of coming out to your friends and family and facing all that rejection? I bet you'll be embarrassed. Anyway, you were always into that marriage-finding-the-perfect-husband-and-having-cute-babies thing. But somehow you have a thing for girls too. PLU's..we all agree that Mr.Right can sometimes be a she, but given the fact that when you're gay, things are more complicated. Why would a girl who is bi choose to be with a girl when life is so much easier when you're with a man? You have to be strong enough. But be straight...and you'll skip all the difficult steps. Anyone one of us could do that, but I refuse to acknowledge my lifestyle and preference for girls..as a choice, it is who I am. Why....? Because I love myself enough to be gay.

I loved myself enough to come up to you and say that I felt for you, even if I knew the probablity of rejection was close to 1.

I loved myself enough to take one and a half years of mixed feelings of euphoria and utter pain whenever you were by my side...even if I was nothing more but a friend to you.

I loved myself enough waste so much emotion on you, because you made me happy.

Go, ask him if he's willing to take a bullet through the head for you...don't worry I'll be your shield if he chicken's out, he probably will anyway. I won't move an inch.

Moral of the story is, don't fall in love with a girl who is bi...for the sake of your heart. Or maybe...maybe I should just quit looking. I'm so tired already.

And now I think its time for me to love myself again, and let you go.


pengkuo

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